4 May, 2016 13:15
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In case you haven’t heard, last night our Federal Treasurer Scott Morrison handed down his first budget, unveiling a plan to save billions by cracking down on multi-national tax avoidance and shaking up the superannuation system.
While the 2016 budget comes across as far less psychopathic than anything Joe Hockey put on the table, it is still far more newsworthy than the fact that Ted Cruz has just pulled out of the US Presidential race, and that Clive Palmer has decided to not re-contest the seat of Fairfax – or even the surprise passing of the matriarch of gangster rap music, Afeni Shakur
The 2016 Budget has done a very good job at distracting journalists right across the Australian media landscape.
It has even taking the spotlight off the increasingly concerning trend of detained refugees lighting themselves on fire in an attempt to rid themselves of the punishing mental health problems they have developed while locked up in the Nauru detention centre.
However, one thing the budget has been unable to drown out is the howling apparitions inside Australian Immigrations Minister, Peter Dutton‘s own head.
Speaking to The Advocate today, Mr. Dutton says while the blood-curdling shrieks of burning refugees are quite confronting, he isn’t blind to see that these voices inside his own head are nothing more than a clever plot from “devious advocate groups trying to have refugees treated with some semblance of kindness”.
“Listen,” said the Minister to our journalists, “I’ll tell you what I’ve been telling the moving shadows that moan ‘shame’ at me whenever I am left in my office alone: I will not be made to feel guilty for following the correct legal procedures,”
The Minister went onto claim that nightly visitations from a weeping Christ are “typical” of the oppositions portrayal of this week’s events.
The Minister concluded his criticism of the ongoing scrutiny, stating that: “I’ve got one word for the skies turning a curdling crimson and clouds coming together to form an unending army of undead weeping refugee children – petty.”
“These leftwing bleeding hearts are just as bad as the witches, blind hermits, disembodied voices, or astral projections of my dead ancestors – who, for the record will continue to be justifiably ignored”.
“I refuse to heed their warnings of my ‘so-called’ innate moral turpitude and ‘alleged’ contribution to the slow disintegration of modern Australian society.”