22 January, 2016 15:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull returned from his trip “Up North” over the weekend, with very little to talk about.
“Richard Di Natale [Greens Party Leader] was right when he said God has forgotten about that awful, awful place – 1/3” the Prime Minister tweeted earlier today.
“I mean, 2016 essentially ends at Gladstone, any further north than that and it’s like I’m back on one of Kerry Packer’s cattle stations in the ’70s – 2/3”
“Far North Queensland is about as innovative as the Kodak company. They still think smoke plumes are a sign of progress. All they want to do is tear the earth open and dig up rocks – 3/3”
While being forced to take a well-earned break from referring to every person he meets as innovative, inspiring or exciting” in a constant stream of selfies – Mr Turnbull told The Advocate this morning that he did enjoy his experience’s taking part in Far North Queensland’s favourite past time.
“[Laughter] Jeez those swamp people can drink. They had Barnaby and I under the table by about midnight. It all started with a few beer samplers in Bundy before we jumped on the jet to Townsville,”
“Little did we know, the pilot had a brick of the cane cutter cordial under his seat which he sold to me and Barnaby for $170 bucks. [Laughter] It was alright though… We put that fuckin’ thing away before we landed… By that stage we were just pissed enough to blend in with the place,”
“About sixteen barbed-wire tins later and I’ve got the mayor whispering sweet nothings in my ear about a new football stadium. That’s probably the only thing that’s gonna get built in the Deep North this year. And they owe it all to Thurston [laughter].
The Prime Minister also spoke about how he was nearly assaulted when asking the owner of the Kennedy Hotel if he was interested in taking a selfie with him.
“Jeez he didn’t like that. I was all like, “ummm… ever heard of social media, mate?’ – luckily Barnaby had some cousins in the pub, or else big Mal might’ve had to have a dip,”
“Anyway, long story short, it’s a shithole of a place and I won’t be going back there for a while,”
“And when I do go back, I plan on being equally as drunk,”