ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Peter Greenholm didn’t just stumble upon a YouTube clip of people graphically breaking bones, nor has he eaten any bad oysters lately.
The 32-year-old people power campaigner accidentally bit down on a liquorice jellybean while catching up on Stranger Things in a darkened room.
Thinking it was a delicious grape-flavored purple bean, he popped it into his gob and started chewing.
Four seconds later, he knew he’d made a huge mistake.
Running for the door, he was caught short. His first regurgitation came up without much warning and plastered the living room door with the mango pop tarts he’d had for afternoon tea.
Struggling to twist the vomit-slicked doorknob, Grossholm finally worked the lock and collapsed on the deck of his parents home, where he still lives.
“This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, worse than the time I got caught by the police feeding rice to pigeons then watching them writhe around in agony,” he said.
“Honestly, as a white young millennial male, this is a bad as life can get.”
When asked if he was planning to clean up the mess, Peter said he didn’t plan on it.
“Are you deaf? Didn’t I just tell you what happened to me?”
“Mum will clean it up.”
More to come.