LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The USA has been dealt a severe blow in President Donald Trump’s self-imposed ‘War Against CoronaVirus’ as ‘90s children TV icon Captain Planet has tested positive for COVID-19.
Famous for uniting kids around the world to fight for Planet Earth, Captain Planet was the star of Captain Planet and the Planeteers, a program that educated children on pollution, drug abuse and much more, all while sporting a bodacious green mullet.
Thought to be the last hope for the planet, it appears Captain Planet may have contracted the disease as his Planeteers broke quarantine rules to summon him.
Each of the Planeteers has since been issued with a $10,000 fine.
At the time of writing, the future of Captain Planet is unknown as he does not have health insurance due to not having a job for the past 24 years.
“It’s sad but I mean, he didn’t really do much to stop pollution so…was he really going to be any help now?” stated former Planeteer turned software salesmen Wheeler Peretti.
“He’s been really upset ever since the whole Amazon fire thing, don’t get him started on those Australian bushfires. It’s like the one minute he spent at the end of each episode teaching kids to recycle did nothing.”