ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“Why the hell do we even need flowers?”

“They end up in the bin at the end of the night. It’s a complete waste of money. I mean, for Christ’s sake! We could buy a new Volkswagen outright for that kind of money!”

It makes sense – but Mark Donald just doesn’t get it.

What ‘it’ is, he’ll probably never know.

However, one thing he does know is the value of a dollar and what it takes to make one.

Which is why, he told The Advocate, he floated the idea of eloping with his fiancé because he can’t wrap his head around spending the best part of a house deposit on a party.

“It’s fucking stupid,” he said.

“Twenty-one thousand fucking Australian pesos for flowers. Flowers! Jumping blue Christ on a pogo stick! That’s on top of the forty the caterers want!”

“And there’s 120 people coming. That’s 120 handshakes and a 120 conversations I don’t really want to have, if I’m being honest.”

Our reporter spoke to Mark fiancé, Peroni Flanders, who told The Advocate that while Mark is a ‘sweet and practical young man’ he doesn’t understand the true reason why people have weddings.

The 29-year-old professional punter explained that weddings aren’t necessarily about you, they a day for your friends and family to celebrate you – and eloping in most circumstances is just plain rude.

“A wedding is a party, not just two people signing a contract to get the government and law involved in their relationship,” she said.

“It’s a party that all your family (not just the ones you can bare to be around) and friends to come together and give you back pats and congratulations,”

“Eloping is so, so selfish. You’re denying the most important people in your life a chance to be happy for you. I wouldn’t do it.”

Mark then sighed and resigned to the fact that everything was now out of his control.

More to come.


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