WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

A local taxi driver has risked a considerable fine and potential jail time today, after flying down a busy CBD thoroughfare.

The cabbie of 34 years named Graeme Wilson reached speeds of 180 k’s an hour this afternoon after spotting the former Opposition Leader Mark Latham in the taxi rank.

“Nah fuck that,” said a flustered Wilson who pulled up a few blocks away and spoke to us over the phone.

“Everyone in this industry knows you don’t pick him up,” he said, making reference to the famous incident where a drunken Latham broke a taxi driver’s arm over an insignificant fare he was probably charging the tax-payer for anyway.

“I mean, I’d been waiting for nearly an hour for a fare in the queue, and they are usually humdingers from there, needing to go to the airport and what not,”

“But as soon as I saw the aspiring One Nation Senator walk out of the building and towards my car with a shit-eating grin all over his face, I knew it wasn’t worth it.”

Wilson explained that he thought for a second about getting out of the car to run, before realising how dangerous that could be.

“That’s when he strikes, and I’m not keen on a 115 kilo sack of shit crash tackling me from behind like a bouncer who’s spotted a drunken patron throwing a glass in a crowded nightclub.”

“Anyway, I sped off, and maybe it was dangerous, but my instincts just took over. The cops and the taxi company should be fine. The first thing we get taught is to avoid Mark Latham like the functioning of our upper limbs depends on it.”

More to come.


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