An umaterialistic and perfectly content Betoota Heights father has used his birthday as an opportunity to make his family realised how humble and selfless he is.

Tim Woomba turns 56 today, and he’s never wanted nothing more in his life.

It’s for this reason he’s specifically asked his immediate family to not bother, but only after being asked what he would like.

Given the fact that the old man has a track record of making it well known that he wants for nothing in this whole entire world, the kids have taken to asking him in roundabout ways.

Even subtle questions about whether he reckons his two beloved poodle-crosses ‘could use a special groom’ are met with suspicions that someone is trying to treat him.

While his family can all appreciate the fact that it is theoretically laudable for an individual to be so unmaterialistic and genuine – it is also painfully annoying. Especially when simple queries about his current shirt size are met with his staunch demands that no one spend a cent!

Tim says his unwavering commitment to not wanting anything might stem from being a first-born son who carries with him a naturally engrained selflessness that means he’s indifferent to the loving joy of presents or big surprises.

Even the suggestion of a charitable donation in lieu of a gift is turned down, with Tim begging the family to remember charity starts at home – especially with the cost-of-living-challenges facing young people. This is roughly translated as ‘Things are going fine – you just focus on yourselves, kids’.

However, when his almost irrational humbleness is interrogated by the family, Tim reveals there is actually something he would like for his 56th birthday.

“I just want you all to be happy” he says to his adult kids, in the midst of a shepherd avocado crisis.


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