ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Despite being named after an extremely toxic nerve agent, the nation’s young blokes are eyeing off a night on the VXs while putting the possible repercussions in the back of their minds.

One local Year 10 student at French Quarter State School has had his uncle put the hard word on him about respecting such alcoholic beverages like VX because, in his own words, he’s tangled with a similar beast.

“Careful with that VX, Eugene,” said local real estate agent James Cadwalleder to his dumb nephew.

“We had some similar stuff when I was your age. It was Tooheys New but it was 7% alcohol or something fucked like that. And it didn’t come in the four-pack of throwdowns. Mate, it came in an 8-pack. When I was your age, we’d put our coins together and get the trolley man down at the West Betoota Stockland to buy us some Platinums. We’d have two or three each and we’d be in conversation with God.”

“Eugene, your Dad had to come pick me up a few times from the park. He didn’t tell Grandpa and Grandma, obviously, but he wasn’t there to warn me about disrespecting these elephant beers.”

Eugene nodded.

“But you had goon, didn’t you?”

James sighed.

“Yes, but going to war with goon is like going to war with China. You know what you’re up against. You know you have to respect it or it’ll cut you into little pieces.”

Eugene asked another question.

“Yeah but, you didn’t have Fat Little Lamb. I’ve been drinking that with the boys for like five years. It’s 8% and comes in a 1.25L bottle. I’ve seen paramedics administer activated charcoal on a park bench before. I’ve seen them administer intravenous glucose for low blood sugar that could cause brain damage. Fat Little Lamb is a curse from the devil himself.”

James nodded.

“Fuck me. Well, you should be right. Make sure you have some dinner before you go mad on the VXs.”

More to come.


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