In a world swamped with conformity, one brave individual has emerged from the masses to boldly proclaim, “Paper straws are annoying.”

This groundbreaking declaration, along with other definitely never before said statements, is the latest strategy for those desperately trying to be recognized as original thought leaders.

The Advocate was able to sit down with one of these free-thinkers to better understand the mind of someone so original. 

Still coming down off the buzz of last night’s ColdPlay show, Jake White (31) explained to the Advocate that his original opinions are his favourite way of standing out from the crowd.

“Not enough people are willing to say what’s on their mind, you really can’t say anything these days. This political correctness is getting a bit out of hand, I’m not a bigot but I’m against censorship.”

Jake explained while sipping his favorite beer, Corona, on his favourite beach, Bondi.

While some critics say that complaining about paper straws or the rise of political correctness is nothing new, they are definitely wrong, according to Jake.

“They just say that because they’re triggered and don’t like to have a good time.” 

“Last week someone smashed their glass at the pub and I got about 3 solid laughs after screaming out taxi!”

“That one’s such a classic” Jake said while shaking his head, genuinely in disbelief at his rock solid sense of humor.

“Hey, sometimes I even like to modernize it and yell out “uber”, a lot of people don’t get that one but I think it will catch on.”

Although some people find the classic pub call out somewhat juvenile and dated, it does seem like it brings enough joy to Jake to be worth it.

“I just think sometimes you gotta put some joy into the world, speaking of joy, it’s monday tomorrow isn’t it?” Jake said with his hands in his head.

“I love Mondays! hahaha”.


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