Local Beautician, Kelsey Shayler (46) says the Government’s reactionary decision to launch a major shake up of Australian’s citizenship laws is fucking spot on.

The changes mean would-be citizens would have to be permanent residents for four years rather than one; a new English language test will be introduced and applicants will have to demonstrate they have integrated by getting a job, enrolling their kids in school and potentially joining a community organisation.

Kelsey says fair enough.

“It’s common sense, but”

“For all intensive purpose, I feel migrants shouldn’t just be allowed to play it by year”

Despite her tendency to use swearwords as exclamation points and the word ‘but’ as a full stop – Kelsey has managed to get through life as an Australians just fine with her brand of interior Australian english.

On a longwinded Facebook post last night, Kelsey says “the least emigrants can do” is learn her variation of the English language.

“Case and point, the bloke at the corner store down the road. How the fuck do I keep ending up with the Longbeach 25s when I ask for 40s”

The fact that Kelsey’s millionaire grandfather arrived here as Southern European migrant, who could only speak a certain dialect specific to her ancestor’s homeland in a tiny Island south of Greece, was not brought up.



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