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With Malcolm Turnbull no longer required to appear interested in local sport, The Betoota Advocate can reveal that the only bloke in the Eastern Suburbs who cares about the NRL Grand Final is a leathery old former lifeguard named Kenno.

Listen to our Grand Final preview here: 

As the Roosters prepare to take on the Canberra Raiders in the 2019 NRL Grand Final in a couple hours from now, Kenno can be found in the front bar of the Bondi surf club, punishing middies of Tooheys News at a cracking rate.

Despite being rebranded as ‘The Sydney Roosters’ in the year 2000, in an attempt to bring in a greater catchment of club members outside of Sydney’s elite oceanfront, the club’s official name is still the Eastern Suburbs District Rugby League Football Club. Which is surprising, considering everyone that lives down there spends most of the Winter months pretending they are Victorian and wearing Aussie rules scarfs.

As a former roofer and ex-Eastern Suburbs rugby league player himself, Kenno says he hasn’t really had anyone to talk to NRL about since the Department of Immigration started deporting all the Kiwis from South Bondi in the late 90s.

“Most of my old mates that support the chooks have sold up and move to Port Macquarie”. I’m one of the last that has held on” says Kenno.

“A lot of people reckon we should relocate the club to South Auckland but that means I wouldn’t be able to go to my annual three home games a year”

“Go Easts!” he yells, before taking a sip of his $9 middie.

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