ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The pigeons who run the nation’s premier domestic T20 cricket competition have hit back at claims attendance is falling at the games, telling The Advocate that “it’s pretty fucking rich” for other sporting codes to criticise them.

Brett O’Hoolman, a 45-year-old crested pigeon with a great amount of sports marketing experience, has been working for the Big Bash League in a community engagement role for the past six seasons.

He’s beak-smacked as to why the media and other sports codes think the hit-and-giggle competition isn’t attracting people to games anymore – when it clearly is.

“We’re neither up or down on last year,” said O’Hoolman.

“Compared to rugby league, both mouth and nose breathing varieties, we’re in great shape. Of course, there’s AFL, which is enjoyed by people of the South, as well as Sydney’s affluent and Brisbane’s confused,”

“Which leaves what else? The NBL? That’s actually growing. It’s growing because the standard is getting better. No longer is it just pensive tall men from Lane Cove taking turns to ice their bad knee. It’s spectacular,”

“The Big Bash is spectacular. Rugby League is just the same thing but without epic cover drives and people getting abso-fucking-lutely clean bowledskied. We bring something new to every season, we reinvent cricket every twelve months,”

“Cooo! Cooo!”

Mr O’Hoolman then flew out the window.

More to come.


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