Australia’s hardworking blacksmiths and tobacco farmers have today joined the Federal Government’s list of outdated industries that are eligible for perverted amounts of tax-payer dollars to help them aimlessly attempt to exist in the 21st century.

This comes as the Prime Minister was asked by Adani coal executives about the possibility of a $900m concessional loan from the Northern Australia Infrastructure Facility – for a rail line between the proposed Carmichael mine to the proposed port – expected to be built in the heart of the fragile Great Barrier Reef.

Despite environmental groups warning that the rail line does not meet the criteria for the fund, Acting Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce says it is a “grouse idea”.

The National Party leader claims it would open up the Galilee basin as a coal precinct, provide electricity in India, and create 3,000 direct and 10,000 indirect jobs for FIFO workers who hate their lives and 457 visas who send their money back to Ireland.

“It’s a great investment in getting people out of poverty, providing electricity the old fashioned way,” he said on Tuesday.

“Where we pull shit out of the ground and burn it”

However, many economists are worried that the Coalition Government may have started a regressive trend of providing Government funding to industries that are already considered outdated due to their effects on human health and the environment, as well as efficiency.

This hasn’t stopped Betoota-based Blacksmith, Colm McGrady (55) from throwing his hand up and putting forward an application for a slice of the pie.

“Without blacksmiths, Australia stops!” he roared.

“If you live with butterflies, you die with butterflies. Who else is going to spend four hours bashing molten hot steel to make swords and chest armour?”

Other outdated industries that are tipped to receive a pointless amount of money to help them comfortably die include taxi license owners, Kodak polaroid developers, and Fairfax Media.


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