ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Rugby Australia’s stood down Marketing Pigeon has flown back to his hometown for the first time in almost a decade this morning only to find the rugby grassroots players kicking a Sherrin football around.

“What the heck is going on?” he cooed to himself.

“Why is this rugby field now an oval and why are there AFL goalposts here? Am I in the right town? Have I eaten some bad cuttlefish bone? What the fuck is going on?”

“Why are those kids kicking an AFL ball on my old rugby field?”

After flying about Betoota Heights this morning, speaking to other pigeons in the local rugby community, Mr Pigeon has been able to conclude that Victorian Leg Tennis has pried its way into the dual-rugby-code nursery of South West Queensland.

“How did this happen?” asked Marketing Pigeon.

His friend, Greg Pigeon, who’s currently the media and communications contact at the Betoota Muttaburrasauruses Rugby Union Club, said the smooth-brain Victorians came up here with an open chequebook.

“It’s something that rugby union just couldn’t match in terms of money,” said Greg.

“When you’re spending all your money on a flash headquarters in Sydney, Range Rovers for the staff and paying out lunatics for posting spicy memes, there’s no wonder there’s no money for anything else,”

“I mean, they mean well. Like we’ve had a few old Wallabies come up here and run some clinics but fuck me, it’s no substitute for raw cash,”

“Anyway, enough about footy. Have you eaten yet? The other pigeons and I are going to fly down to the park for lunch and eat the bread scraps the ducks don’t eat.”

More to come.


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