Local Betoota youth Colin Myers (24) has been fervently praying for just a “good week or two” to enjoy the highly anticipated release of GTA6 before Prime Minister Dutton summons him to the front lines of what seems like an inevitable global conflict.

“With all this talk of World War 3 and conscription, I can’t help but worry that this may get in the way of me ever experiencing GTA 6.” Lamented Colin.

As the young fella points out, escalating global tensions paired with the domestic cost-of-living crisis means that the Australian media would much prefer to hands the reigns of Parliament over to a strongman Conservative who will spare them any taxes, and will work tirelessly to install him into power.

Colin can basically predict what would happen from there.

“I’m gonna get called up. I know it. I just hope it’s not before I even get the chance to play this game I’ve spent years waiting for”

“This MF is going to conscript me like his mates did to my pop”

Despite the looming threat of being drafted into military service from a future Prime Minister who has proven himself to be a shameless war hawk that also hates young people and thinks ducking bullets from America’s enemies could be a good way to brainwash them into hating the same people that he hates, Colin remains cautiously optimistic.

“Like I could just say I’m gay right. Does that still get you out of conscription?”

“Or I could say I have IBS or ADHD right?”

Colin’s shoulders sink when told that, unlike the Vietnam war draft, the Australian army doesn’t have the luxury of turning down gays and tummy problems anymore. They also want as many people with ADHD as possible”

“Oh well” he says.

“If I don’t get the opportunity to roam around Vice City with a gun, at least I’ll have the chance to do it in Iran”

“Either way, a war in Iran provides me with better housing and employment prospects than Uni or TAFE”

“But I’d really appreciate a week or two to check out the three shades of sunset and dual-wielding options they have in GTA6”



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