EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A Betoota Heights woman has found herself feeling a mixture of anger and disillusionment this week, after realising that her quest for independence comes with some shocking drawbacks.

Speaking to our reporter over a coffee this morning, a very depressed looking Dana Hobbs admits that living in a tiny shitbox apartment wasn’t exactly what she envisioned herself living in at the age of thirty – stating that it was ‘only marginally better’ than the revolving door of share houses she’d been in over the years, seeing as she can now at least crank her vibrator to max volume whenever she pleases.

“I just wanted to live on my own”, says Dana, showing our reporter photos of an apartment so small, it could be shoved up a fleas arse with room to spare, “but fuck me, it’s dire out there.”

“It’s truly depressing that a half-decent one bedroom apartment near the city just isn’t a viable rental option unless you’re in a couple.”

“This rental crisis is extra fucked if you’re single.”

Taking a moment to stare into the distance, which then appears to turn into some kind of dissociative state, Dana says she really doesn’t know what the future holds for her, or any other people who aren’t in a position to buy a home.

“Am I going to be spending 70% of my wage living in a shared room with some stranger by the time I’m 40?”

“I think just shoot me with the cattle air gun thing from ‘No Country For Old Men’ if it ever gets to that point.”

More to come.


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