The Liberal Party of Australia has today sensationally announced today that they will be sending in former Treasurer Scott Morrison as their nightwatchman.
A nightwatchman is a term that comes from the sport of cricket and can be described as a lower-order batsman who comes in to bat higher up the order than usual, near the end of the day’s play.
With the Liberal Party’s top order performing a spectacular collapse over the last few years, a collapse that the even the Australian Cricket team could be proud of, they have been forced to send the man known as ‘Sco-mo’ into bat.
With wickets crumbling, and the test match known as Federal Politics nearing its end as an election looms, the power brokers in the Liberal Party have decided that Scott Morrison was the best lower order batsman to stave off the slow-medium pace bowling of the Labor party.
Although unaware he was being sent out to the middle until just a couple of days ago, Scott Morrison will have to do his best to try and survive in what will most likely be a vain attempt at saving the game.
Speaking exclusively to The Advocate just moments before heading out to bat today, Morrison told us that the tap on the shoulder came as a bit of a surprise.
“Yeah, I had my feet up in the sheds,” said Morrison, also commonly referred to as Big Scotty From Marketing, while toying with his protective gear.
“And then I got told that I’ve got to go out there and try and block it out and try and save things.”
“I mean it’s a shit job, but at least their bowlers have got fuck all zip. So let’s see how we go,” he said before trudging off to the wicket.