In BREAKING news, it appears that Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing – a politician who made his name detaining war-weary asylum seekers in sweltering offshore prisons as Immigration Minister under Tony Abbott – might actually have a track record of stirring up racial and religious prejudice in an effort to further his career.

These allegations emerge just days before he calls an election in the midst of some of the worst opinion polls any incumbent Prime Minister has ever been served up.

During a panicked and defensive press conference yesterday, Scotty said he ‘could not fundamentally deny more’ any reports he used racist slander in his campaign to defeat a high-profile Arab candidate for pre-selection in his Cronulla electorate back in 2007.

Last week Liberal Senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells called Mr Morrison unfit to be Prime Minister and said he had run a racist smear campaign against his preselection rival, Michael Towke – a Catholic Lebanese businessman who had a promising career in politics ahead of him before his life was ruined by since disproven rumours.

The contents of statutory declarations signed in 2016 by Mr Towke and another preselector, Scott Chapman, were made public this weekend – and included claims Mr Morrison had made comments about the ‘political downsides’ of Mr Towke’s race while spreading misplaced rumours that he was a ‘secret moslem’.

These revelations have rattled Australian voters of Middle Eastern origins, many who thought the Prime Minister had their best interests at heart. Speaking to the Betoota Advocate today one proud Lebanese Family from Sydney’s El Jannah Belt said they never could have imagined their humanity could be so expendable and dispensable in the eyes of a career public servant like Scotty.

“We thought he viewed us a nothing but equals” says Robert Khattar, a builder and father of 4 from Punchbowl.

“Even when we had armed ADF soldiers patrolling our suburbs during the lockdown. We now know it was because our Prime Minister loved us so much and wanted us to be safe”

“And then when we tried to protest against the double standards that were being applied to postcodes in the height of the Delta Wave, and the politicians and media wrote us off as deranged conspiracists. We knew Scotty had our back through all of that”

Robert’s wife, Leisha agrees.

“The thing we love about Scott is that he just knows us so well. Like when he said he said that every single member of every single Mosque in the country was lying when they say they weren’t aware of young people being radicalised by ISIS online.”

“But yeah, these news allegations that he might actually be racist are mind blowing”

“This is the last thing we suspected about the man leading the Australian government, who was elected as the Federal Member for the Sutherland Shire just 18 months after the Cronulla Riots”

While Morrison’s treatment of Mr Towke has been common knowledge amongst literally any journalist for over a decade now, it seems that the Prime Minister has done a good enough job of losing this election himself that the major Australian newspapers have basically given up on maintaining the Liberal Party protection racket that they were running the last couple rodeos.

Even Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp, the media monopoly responsible for Malcolm Turnbull’s downfall and Morrison’s subsequent instalment as Prime Minister appear to be cutting their losses and relectutantly following the very obvious shift in public opinion towards Scotty.


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