CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today begun implementing his most ambitious marketing spin of all time: Convincing Lebanese voters that he does not have a history of stirring up racial and religious prejudices to further his career.
This comes after explosive allegations come to light that the Lebanese man who initially beat Scotty in a ballot to contest Cook for the Liberal party 15 years ago had his life ruined by the now-prime minister, who spread rumours about about his Lebanese heritage to undermine him.
Prominent Sutherland businessman Michael Towke has this weekend emerged for the first time in years to publicly back claims that Morrison had told the party in 2007 “a candidate of Lebanese heritage could not hold the seat of Cook, especially after the Cronulla riots” and there was a “strong rumour” that Towke was a ‘Moslem’ and was therefore a dodgy businessman – despite the fact he was actually a devout Maronite Catholic.
These allegations appeared to have permeated through both the Lebanese Muslim and Catholic communities, triggering the few prominent Lebanese Australians within the Liberal Party who haven’t been betrayed yet to rush and defend their embattled PM.
With Middle Eastern Australians making up a crucial block of voters in some of Sydney’s most marginal swing seats, Scotty has had to move quickly to disprove any sentiments that might suggest he views Arabs of any religious order as expendable punching bags that can be vilified and ridiculed to further his political ambitions.
While Morrison’s treatment of Mr Towke has been common knowledge amongst literally any journalist for over a decade now, it seems that the Prime Minister has done a good enough job of losing this election himself that the major Australian newspapers have basically given up on maintaining the Liberal Party protection racket that they were running the last couple elections.
Even Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp, the media monopoly responsible for Malcolm Turnbull’s downfall and Morrison’s subsequent instalment as Prime Minister appear to be cutting their losses and relutantly following the very obvious shift in public opinion towards Scotty.
But despite being hung out to dry by both his party and his mates in the media, the Prime Minister isn’t giving up just yet.
Starting today by ordering the Parliament House barber to give him the same kind of haircut as those Lebanese boys in the NRL.
“I want that Mitchell Moses fade cuz” Scotty told the tax-payer funded hairdresser today.
“Actually nah that’s not hectic enough. I gotta go hard with this one”
“Give me the Adam Doueihi wallah”