A vocal community of Sydney property owners, who for some reason thought it would be a good idea to either retire or raise a family in one of the most iconic nightlife precincts in one of the biggest cities in the world, have today revealed their most recent quarrel with inner-city living.

After successfully campaigning to have the entire inner-east of Australia’s biggest city placed under prohibition style lock-out laws that sent hundreds of small business owners broke and killed off an entire generation of aspiring musicians, the residents of Kings Cross have today declared that their city still isn’t quiet enough.

“The food delivery cyclists are too loud” says Chloe Whitbourne-Smythe, a part time stay-at-home mother of two Aryan children whose sleeping patterns have so far dictated how an entire metropolis should operate after 8pm.

“I have an 18-month-old and a 32-month-old that I’m trying to put to sleep up here”

“I’ll admit it, sometimes I just get so caught up with my parenting blog that I don’t get the time to prepare dinner for when my husband comes home blind drunk from Ryan’s Bar…”

“But I don’t see why delivering french food at 6:30 at night needs to be such a noisy operation. We need some sort of legislation to come down hard on these offenders”

Local Baby Boomer and Kings Cross retiree, Michael Potter (65), spoke to the Betoota Advocate about this growing issue of delivery cyclists making noise in the now sleepy streets of the once vibrant red light district.

“There’s so many noisy young brown people getting around our streets, it’s almost like there are still Lebanese people operating nightclubs here”

“Only these people are Brazilian, and instead of live music DJs, they are tormenting us with their bicycle bells as they drive past” He said.

When asked if he was being particularly hard on a generation that already can’t afford to buy a house in a housing market that he manipulated, and just want to find work where they can and enjoy a night out, Mr Potter says he’s never heard a bigger load of bullshit in his life.

“My generation never had it easy! So what if we decided to buy up four terrace houses each in the middle of Sydney’s rowdiest nightstrip. I shouldn’t have to put up with noise if I don’t want to!”

“I’m a caucasian post-war Australian. I’ve never had to make a compromise in my life, and I don’t plan on starting now!”

This comes just days after the iconic Kings Cross hotel was forced to take down a “Keep Sydney Open” banner or face a fine of $6000, after a residents’ group, which strongly supports the lockout laws, complained to the City of Sydney council.


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