As nations begin rapidly begin to reassess their place in the world, our neighbours across the ditch have decided against being the progressive humanitarians they normally are on one big issue today.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has confirmed that its offer to take stateless asylum seekers off Australia’s hands is definitely off the table now.

“Yeah, things have changed a wee bit over here, so sorry but that’s not a thing anymore,” explained the leader of her nation.

“We aren’t keen to take all those stateless people stranded on those 9 cruise ships floating off the waters of the New South Wales coastline. You lot can deal with that,” she said.

The offer to take asylum seekers was previously extended in 2017, when Ardern said New Zealand would happily take the asylum seekers being held in inhumane conditions on Manus Island and Nauru, and was reiterated again in 2018.

However, that offer has formally been rescinded now, with New Zealand reportedly not keen on rehoming a bunch of boomers with coronavirus.

“Obviously, we’d love to take the people being held on these cruise ships in conditions that the UN would probably call torture too, but we are trying to be responsible with our health system,” Ardern continued.

“So, we won’t be flooding our shores with thousands of potentially infected people like you guys did.”

“Good luck!”


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