WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
A major fast food franchise has this week had to take a firm loss after a 7-year experiment ended in tears.
The major pizza chain Dominos has had to withdraw from the nation of Italy, after failing to crack the market for some weird reason.
Famous for pizzas that no one ever wants to pay full price for, Dominos said they were forced to pull out of the Southern European nation citing ‘market competition and mum and dad operations having a firm hold on consumers.’
However, while the global dough, sauce, and random bits of meat chain have politely offered up that statement, it’s believed the major reason for the lack of success is the uncultured nature of the Italians.
“You can lead a horse to water, but if it’s a dumb uncultured peasant horse, you can’t really make it drink,” said one Dominos insider in an exclusive chat with The Advocate today.
“I mean, these people, refusing to enjoy delicacies like Loaded BBQ Meatlovers, Hot Dog Crust and Lava Cakes”
“It just baffles”
“They clearly want to live in the past, where mum and dads make the same old shit they’ve been making for years”
“Sad really when you think about it.”
“Most of those pizzas they make have barely any ingredients on them too, and the crust is so thin.”
“It’s like they don’t want to eat an entire day’s worth of calories in one sitting.”
“Anyway, fuck em, they can have their backward boring old pizzas, because we are out.”