ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A man-boobed private schoolboy who at age 26, is still living in his parent’s Betoota Grove six-bedder, has reaffirmed his commitment to the Liberal Party today by picking up a semi-tailored three-piece suit from a local tailor.

After first making an appointment online six-weeks ago where he entered his own self-measured measurements into a form, Burgmann O’Crane had his mother drive him down to StitchMeSoftly on Ponytah Drive in the Old City.

Upon his arrival, he was offered a neat scotch.

Our reporter, who was at StitchMeSoftly this afternoon to see if they could repair his dinner suit crotch again, could only watch on as the local Young Liberal evolved into his next stage of life.

“The waistcoat is a bit tight,” he said.

His tailor explained asked if he’d just had lunch, to which the large-nipple freak said yes.

“Sometimes when you have a big lunch, it can feel tight. Maybe don’t eat bread or drink fruit juice for a while?”

Burgmann sighed and went to sit down to see how it felt.

As he sat, the crotch torn dot to cock. He sighed once again.

“Italian wool isn’t supposed to tear like this.”

Our reporter left the shop and resisted the urge to drive his Magna through the front of it as he peeled out of the carpark.

More to come.


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