Proud lawnsmen across the River City are today rejoicing at the news that their Premier has given them full permission to do nothing for three days but work on the yard.

This comes as Greater Brisbane will go into a three-day snap lockdown after recording 10 new cases of the damn coronavirus, four of which are community transmission and linked to a recent cluster that appears to be travelling right across the city.

Western Australia will reintroduce a hard border with Queensland from midnight, while Victoria declares Greater Brisbane a ‘red zone’ from 6:00pm. NSW are just gonna wait and see what happens, on the same day they bring back no restrictions on dance floors.

While another ‘long weekend’ lock-down may sound frustrating to Southerners, the news is actually being very well received in Brisbane today.

“You bloody beauty!!!!” cheers local Murrarie dad, Alfie Horan (55), upon hearing the news today.

Alfie, like hundreds of thousands of other Brisbane residents are taking the three day lockdown as the perfect opportunity to get his lawn sorted.

“I’ve already panic-bought a couple jerry cans of unleaded and I’ve got the pushie and ride-on warming up in the shed”

After 250 millilitres of rain in one week, the backyards of Brisbane are currently under attack from overgrown Elymus Repens – commonly known as couch grass.

Alfie is the owner of one of these yards, and is more than okay with not having leave the confines of his own property until Thursday morning.

“Put the lemonade on ice, baby” he says to his wife.

“I’m about to do some land clearing”



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