ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The former Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton is packing up his old office this afternoon as he prepares to move much further down the hall to the Defence Minister’s relative shoebox.

Dutton was moved out of the Home Affairs portfolio today by Prime Minister Scott Morrison, who re-jigged his Cabinet to reflect a “more modern” Australia where women have more of a say in how things go.

Former Defence Minister Linda Reynolds has been moved to the NDIS portfolio as the Prime Minister says he cares the least about that portfolio.

However, the topic of discussion today in the Home Affairs office was largely centred around Dutton’s collection of dried and mummified cats.

Removalists flagged that Mr Dutton might not have the room in his new digs for the crispy felines but Dutton says he’ll find space even if he has to sit on the floor.

Speaking to this newspaper, which he still does for some reason he refuses to tell us, Mr Dutton explained he enjoys looking at the dried cats and it helps him take his mind off the pressures that come with such a high office.

“The cats, they relax me,” said Dutton via telephone.

“I have over 20 of them. At home, I have almost a hundred in garbage bags up in the roof space. When I had the place insulated under Kevin Rudd, who is a Chinese spy and communist sympathiser, the bloke who jumped up there to throw the bats in almost had a heart attack,”

“Back to the cats, yes. You know, Malcolm was quite disturbed by the cats. He always used to ask me if I dried my own cats, to which I said ‘Does Scott Morrison shit where he eats?’ and we both had a really good laugh and said, ‘Yes!’ in unison. Come to think of it, it was probably the only time Malcolm and I ever shared a laugh together,”

“But yes, back to the cats. I will find space for the cats. There will always be room for the cats.”

More to come.


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