ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A bearded chungus who put away over four-kilos of red meat in one sitting has let down the man feeding him today down at the Rubens Barbecuechello Grill in the French Quarter.

After filling up on cheese balls and rice before the main show started, senior network engineer Dane Cochrane had to dig deep in order to sample every bit of meat coming off the grill. Waiter Zé Ninguém told The Advocate he’d seldom seen someone put away meat like the 34-year-old IT professional at the South Betoota Polytechnic School.

“He just kept on going,” he said.

“No to nothing, he just said yes. I was waiting for him to quit and he did not. When he did, I was not pleased because I had decided he was able to do much more.”

Dane told our reporters this afternoon, while horizon and moaning, that he gave it is best and he still managed to offend the waitstaff by telling them to please stop bringing him meat.

“I’m not going to poo until Friday,” he said.

“I’ve got this mass inside me that feels heavy. It feels metallic and I can feel it under my skin. Oh Christ, man. I tried my best and that waiter still looked at me like I’d spat on him. I would’ve had four kilos, easy. Probably more. I went a bit mad on the cheese balls before the meat started. I had everything from beef to chicken to pork to beef again. I ate a lot of beef.”

More to come.


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