12 September, 2016. 09:45


Australian Rugby Union CEO Bill Pulver and several Wallabies selectors have been praised today for stepping outside their comfort zone and visiting a public high school over the weekend, for the first time in the history of Rugby Union.

The milestone comes as a result of the school in question, Brisbane State High, winning the 2016 Queensland GPS schools rugby premiership for the fourth time in the last decade, which coincided with the new and improved, statie-friendly, Wallabies first win of 2016.

Speaking to media outside of the school following the landmark moment, Bill Pulver said that there were enough Brisbane State High old boys in both international and domestic representative football teams to warrant a visit from the governing body.

“Now Matt Toomua is a good example of someone who can play 10 years of international rugby on-and-off for the Wallabies, without ever having to wear a cain boater hat,” he said, while removing the helmet of his HAZMAT biosafety suit and wiping the sweat from his forehead.

“These young men have proven that anyone can play top level rugby union, whether they are privately educated or barely educated at all,”

“The fact that my selectors and I have even left New South Wales should be a good enough indicator of how well these young pagans are doing,”

“I don’t want to make hollow promises, but given the pleasant reception we were met with today… I think this might be something we do again in the near future,”

It is believed ARU officials nearly made the decision to visit a non-private school in the pre-rugby world cup media storm of 2003, but ultimately decided against it due to safety concerns.


  1. Mr Pulver in a 35 minute speach (during which his attendant, Byron Leatherpatch, repeatedly stagewhispered for “silence and a bit of respect” as some of the more boisterous Islander lads congratulated each other and hugged their proud crying parents) politely referred to “alumnis Wally Lewis as an old boy of State High that nearly made it to the highest levels of Rugger after making the Australian Schoolboys’ team in the late 60’s or early 70’s”. He went on to express the genuine hope that “this generation next of players would be at the next level from Mr Lewis and hopefully be seen in the NRC within as soon as 5 years”.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here