ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THE MELBOURNE CRICKET GROUND has sold out once again, despite both team’s supporter bases being made up entirely of bandwagon fans.

After finishing third overall this season, Richmond’ story has inspired thousands of ordinary working-class Victorians to come out in force to show support for their ‘second team’.

Same can be said for VFL fans from the Torrens capital after  GWS fans left heartbroken after they were denied their rightful spot in today’s grand final by the Crows. Richmond is in their first grand final since the Falklands War, something that regular Adelaideanese people are eager to point out.

Making the trip down to the city built on the banks of the pathetic Yarra River, Marcel Crichton said he loves Melbourne in the spring time – and the Tigers.

“Qantas always ramps the ticket price up on the grand final weekend,” he said. “But I don’t fly anything else and I’m not gambling with my life on a low-cost carrier.”

“But the Tigs [sic] are in the grand final! Can you believe that? I bet you can’t. Hope they get up, but either way, we’re going to drink Melbourne out of rosé tonight [laughs].”

Similarly, Crows fan Garry Duckworth said he spent all night combing the streets for a stray shopping trolley.

Picking half-smoking cigarettes out of the gutter beside Footscray Station, Duckworth said he was going to the grand final – he just had to find a ‘dopey cunt’ in a Tigers scarf to flog over the head with his trolley pole to get a ticket.

“If you get the cunt in the right spot, it’s like they’ve been turned off at the wall. They just drop and fold like granny’s card table,” he explain, spitting through a small gap in his teeth.

“What? You think a bloke from Footscray can afford to go to a grand final? We can barely afford to go to a Storm’s home game. But yeah mate, some Adelaide wanker is going to wake up with a headache tomorrow, and it won’t be from the grog.”




Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here