ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The common rock pigeon tasked with running the entire marketing division of Rugby Australia has assured boss Hamish McLennan that people know that the Wallabies are playing tomorrow.

Speaking to Mr McLennan from its Auckland hotel room, the pigeon explained that the game at Eden Park was already a sellout and that he didn’t have to worry about people forgetting to tune in.

“Uh, sure,” said pigeon.

“Look, mate. We all know it’s a dead rubber and it’s at Eden Park. So yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Like who’s going to tune into a game that we don’t have like, a super great chance or winning but mate, I think every sports fan in the country knows the Irish really gave it to the Commonwealth’s meek appendix when they came out last. I think they might’ve even won at Eden Park, which is mad,”

“But yeah. Every red-blooded son of a bitch in New South Wales and Queensland will be rolling from the AFL Grand Final into the Wallabies’ historic win at Eden Park into the Bunnies and Panthers,”

“It’s a no-brainer, sir. Which should hold some credence because it’s a pigeon telling you it’s a no-brainer.”

Hamish pursed his lips and hummed.

“You better be right, you fucking pigeon,” he said.

“Or else you’re flying yourself home.”

More to come.


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