A damning scientific report has been released today, and it makes for bad reading for two of the world’s most notable fan bases.

The new piece of research has confirmed that the English national football team is essentially the global equivalent of the Parramatta Eels.

Authored by the International Body For Sports Psychology, the report is titled “Is Parradise The Same Thing As The Concept Of Football Coming Home.”

Inside the 104 pages of qualitative and quantitative analysis, the data confirms that the English Football team and the Parramatta Eels have the exact same chance of winning a major trophy.

Unfortunately, that chance is essentially zero, with the two massive fan bases to be reminded for eternity how they haven’t won anything for decades.

“It makes for really grim reading for those two fan bases,” sighed lead researcher Brad Southagte.

“Basically it confirms the long held belief that despite showing signs of promise, and having a great team on paper, they are both physically incapable of winning a major trophy.”

“It found that the concept of Parradise is basically the same thing as football’s homecoming.”

“A mirage on the horizon that catches the attention of fans at the beginning of a tournament and makes them think that there’s a way out of this barren desert.”

“But that’s all it is, a mirage.”

“So just console yourself with the memories of Bobby Charlton and Ray Price.”

Much more to come, over many, many painful years for those fans.


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