Monday’s Federal Cabinet reshuffle has failed to impress anyone, unsurprisingly, as our government continues to burn through MPs that can string a sentence at an alarming rate since Abbott.

This follows the accelerated implosion of the Coalition government, that has seen over three Federal MPs sent home on paid mental health leave, after being accused of either sexually assaulting someone, or protecting a Liberal official who sexually assaulted someone.

Faced with the very real issue of a female revolt within his own party, and amongst voters, the PM is desperately seeking a new rebranding campaign to encourage the Australian news cycle to go back to the days when they thought he was the greatest bloke in the world.

To do this, he will make sure he gets photographed attending every match of men’s football this weekend, in both the NRL, Super Rugby and AFL.

This seems like an odd strategy, given the reception Morrison received in the Parramatta Eels change rooms over the weekend.

Cameras spotted a female sports scientist with folded arms on the outer as Scotty tried cringe-worthily hard to be cool in front of the footballers during their post-match celebrations on the weekend.

The woman later shared on a social media: “I will not respect a man who has the time to shake hands of men who have won a football match but is ‘too busy’ to attend the March 4 Justice.” – she was then backed with comments of support from the players who she works with, many who regretted shaking hands with Morrison.

Shark One, a ex-Qantas A330 that cost $250 million to convert into a private jet for the PM and his entourage, has been feulled up and hs waiting in Canberra.

The aeroplane, which Morrison has named after his local rugby league club the Cronulla Sharks, will now fly Morrison to 19 different rounds of mens football with a team of 18 professional photographers.

When asked if he was going to be able to catch any of the womens games, Morrison told reporters that he was always under the impression that hoola-hooping and hopscotch were summer sports.


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