Betoota Grove mother-of-four, Kelsie Shayler (52) has been a tennis fanatic since watching Evonne Goolagong as a little girl in the early 1980s.

She can’t get enough of the elegance, the superstitions, the pace of it all. Like millions of people around the world, Kelsie knows that there is no greater spectator sport than a showdown between two world tennis superstars as they battle it out for number one.

And she’s watched a lot of it. With the inconsistent sleep patterns that come with raising four children, she’s been watching right through the Agassi era, the Williams sisters, Panda and Lleyton – and most recently our darling Ash.

But there is nobody that she would rather watch than Rafael Nadal. His sheer athleticism, his nerve-wracking OCD, his sportsmanship, his risk-taking. But most importantly, his perfectly sculpted and evenly tanned Majorcan arms.

That’s why the news of the Spaniard’s possibly imminent retirement has rattled Kelsie, who hasn’t slept since watching his first round loss to Alexander Zverev in the French Open overnight.

The 37-year-old Nadal has told the tennis media today that he will likely retire after 2024, which means those arms will retire with him.

After turning pro 23-years-ago, Nadal has won the clay court major a record 14 times – earning over $130 million US in prize money and sitting at world number 1 for 201 weeks all up.

But his unimpeachable legacy means nothing to Kelsie, because if he’s not playing, it means those arms aren’t on the screen.

In fact, this happily married suburban mother is so distraught by the possible retirement, she’s just started blatantly opening up about the unmentioned appeal of men’s tennis. The fact that it is also an incredible perve for anyone who is attracted to unconventional male attributes like limbs or hands.

“I spose Novak is alright. But nobodies arms pop in a European sun like Nadal” she laments.

“Kyrgios just reminds me too much of my sons. Gross”


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