A local Year 12 student has pulled off a clever little play this morning.

Feeling underdone for her Ancient History test this morning, Angie Wilton was praying for a miracle.

Not quite across the goings-on of Themistocles and the prowess of the Athenian Navy, Angie was starting to get overwhelmed by the fact this mark feels like it means everything despite everyone telling her it doesn’t.

“The Battle of Salamis? She sighed to us, my brain is so fried all I can think of is a bunch of cured meats going at it?”

“I would love some salami right now actually.”

“Fuck, anyway, I’ve got maths this arvo and I’m way to flustered.”

That was until she realized she could take a step towards canonization and perform a miracle herself.

“I realised that I can push this exam back without a doctor’s certificate myself,” she smiled.

“Oh no, look it’s a grown man in a hoodie carrying a backpack mumbling something scary walking straight into the school,” she laughed.

“That’s what I told the nice policeman on the phone,”

“And lo and behold, two minutes later the sirens are going berserk and the school’s being evacuated.”

“Which means no Ancient History today, and a bit of a break before Maths this arvo.”

Angie then sighed.

“I’m fucked for that too.”

“Why is it that an entire 13 years of schooling is surmised by one single fucking mark that you need to get into a profit-driven institution in an effort to get a job in this barren economic landscape?”

“It’s bullshit.”

“Anyway, I’m just glad calling in the bomb squad worked today.”

“That’s something”


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