LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

As the rains pour down like a million rural children eating corn on your roof, residents of Australia’s east coast are fully prepared to cancel their plans for the gym, dinner and life.

One such plan canceller is fashion upcycler Renae Hildon (28) who claims the constant rain has ruined her overall mood as well as her desire to be anywhere that isn’t her cosy warm bed.

“I was going to go to work, the gym, go out to dinner and live the rest of my life but fuck all of this,” stated Hildon, gesturing to the slate grey side that has been her life for as long as she can remember.

“I’m just gonna stay in bed, watch Shrek 3 and eat Cheddar Shapes until I can’t feel anything anymore.” 

According to Hildon, she plans to continue keeping her life on hold until such a time as the rain fucks off entirely or until umbrella technology evolves to the point where umbrellas are drip free and keep your legs dry.

“It’s so cold and damp out there. I mean, it’s cold and damp in here but at least I have…I have…”

“Alright you cunts can leave now.”



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