LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
T2 might just turn themselves up to T3 as the entire Australian tea industry celebrates as another grog monster publicly declares their sobriety.
A former wine and spirits rep, Roland Noush (46) recently realised he was not completely in control of his drinking habits and was often so inebriated that he found the Matty Johns Show funny.
Trying to set up a more stable future for himself and his family, Noush contacted an alcohol addiction counsellor and has begun a sobriety program that is working for him so far, even if he has to pretend he believes in God because atheists are clearly doomed to relapse in their own filth forever.
Now at the point where he’s comfortable talking about it, Noush’s friends and family are happy to hear he’s starting a new life of sobriety even if their joy is nothing compared to that of the salivating specialty tea industry.
“We got one!” stated a salesperson at Betoota bespoke tea company, The Betoota Bespoke Tea Company.
“Remove the specials on the round bottom candle brew station, I reckon we’ve got a sale coming up here!”
One of the difficult things about quitting alcohol is choosing something worthwhile to stick in your gullet in the evening. For this reason, many recovering alcoholics get really into exploring the galaxy of tea that they were just too drunk to appreciate before today.
According to Noush, he’s already tried several styles of tea that are new and intriguing to him, fulfilling his need for an evening drink with plenty of flavour and urge to spend too much money on a liquid.
“Did you know a cup of jade tea has the same amount of tasting notes as a single malt whiskey?” asked Noush, his former liquor cabinet now an expansive, contraption heavy tea tin.
“Well, it doesn’t, I just made that up but now I can finally take responsibility for all my years of indecent drinking behaviour when I kept adding milk to my tea.”
MORE TO COME.
