CASHEW DURKIN | Food | Contact

As urban legends continue to swirl regarding the ingredients in McDonald’s popular McNuggets, a recent study conducted by the CSIRO has declared that nobody really cares what’s in them as they taste like the popular and addictive narcotic drug, heroin.

While the multinational purveyor of fine foods remains tight-lipped as to what’s really in the freeze-fried delights, McDonald’s has assured The Advocate that there’s no heroin or any other drugs in them.

“There’s nothing sinister or illegal in McNuggets, that’s one thing we can confirm,” said McDonald’s Australia executive vice president Alisha Pie.

“But we do maintain a protection over the ingredients as it’s the secret to their success,”

“However, we are aware of the rumours that exist regarding how they made and what’s in them. We make our nuggets in Australia from natural ingredients, or at least I think we do. Some might’ve been dropped on the floor, I can’t say for sure. But yeah, they won’t kill you or get you stoned.”

Hitting back at the comments made by McDonald’s is one local McNuggets consumer, who said she can’t go longer than a day or two without the chicken without suffering withdrawal symptoms.

Tina Jenkins, a marginally employed textile specialist at Spotlight, told our reporters that if she doesn’t get her nuggets, she goes ‘mad.’

“No nuggets equals me waiting outside the North Betoota McDonald’s with a rock, telling people I’ll throw it at their car if they don’t buy me a ten-pack,” said Jenkins.

“They must have something in them, I can’t fucking function without them,”

“They’re like heroin to me.”


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