In sad news for anyone in their mid-thirties, it has been confirmed that any current popstar who is in any way considered cool is definitely younger than you, you old fart you.

Taking a brief break from watching her body slowly start to betray them, mid-thirties Betootan Emma Ford (35) watched half an hour of the latest hits on a music TV station or as Ford calls it “Video Hits.”

Although her slight wrinkles and salary have made her feel old for a couple of years now, Ford was not prepared for just how old she would feel watching 17-year-old pop sensations performing viral dances to music she doesn’t enjoy as she is such an old head.

“Far out, were pop stars always this young?” stated Ford, who grew up with pop stars like Sophie Monk who has always stayed the same age.

“I mean, Pink has always been in her mid thirties hasn’t she? Do kids still listen to Pink?”

“Billie Eilish? I’ll give him a listen sometime.”

According to Ford’s niece Polly (16) her aunt is pretty cool for an old person, but in “the weird ironic way her generation is into, not cool like in an actually cool way.”


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