EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

As she delays her alarm by another fifteen minutes, Michelle Park tries to muster the courage to get ready for work.

She’s really not feeling it today and ordinarily she’d pull a sickie no problem, but her last one was only a few weeks ago and she can only really average one every couple of months before erring on the ‘this person is obviously taking the piss’ side.

But as she nestles further into her sheets and contemplates yet another day of answering client emails, dealing with her micromanaging boss and getting stuck into yet another dry graphic design for some wanky government agency, Michelle just can’t be bothered.

Plus, she’d been meaning to get into Succession for a while. Fuck it.

However, when it comes to pulling off a believable sickie, the true artistry lies between coming up with something that you can A. Incur very quickly in 24 hours B. Makes it difficult to work from home and C. Mildly embarrassing enough that nobody is going to question it.

Which makes lowkey telling your boss you have a case of the violent spitty bum, the perfect excuse.

Also known as gastro.

“Hey sorry James, I don’t think I can come in today.”

“I think I might have food poisoning or gastro :(“

More to come


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