EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local woman has this week been ostracised by her entire friendship group after revealing she’s a lot more privileged than they thought.

Jessica Coates [26] tells The Advocate that she’d been invited to a bottomless brunch over the weekend, which was essentially just getting day drunk with extra steps. As she’d popped on her most winter friendly sundress and deliberated whether it was worth continuing getting shitfaced after the 2pm cut off, or having a nap before going out, she’d been woefully unprepared for the frosty reception she’d get from her mates.

But unfortunately she’s now learned the hard way, that sometimes it can be hard to remain friends with people who differ too much – whether that’s childless friends trying to sort a date out with a busy mum, rich mates forgetting not everyone can burn a hole in their wallet every weekend, or in Jessica’s case, her iron stomach.

It’s alleged this showdown occurred when the waiter had asked the table of women if anyone had any dietary restrictions, which sent off a chorus of responses.

“No gluten for me thanks”, said Val, who would look three months pregnant if she ate bread.

“Can’t do dairy”, said Pru, who would redecorate the bathroom if she had milk.

As all the other women around the table echoed similar statements, a sheepish Jessica admits she’s ‘all good’ – prompting the entire group to swivel towards her, with their mouths agape in envy.


“Really, nothing?” 

“Wow. Must be nice huh.”

Jessica states that the group chat has now been suspiciously quiet but that she’s considering saying caffeine gives her ‘the shakes’, to win her way back in.

More to come.


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