EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local bloke is today unfairly paying the price for trying to be a good bloke.

Trying to give the person barbecuing some company and a neck oil, Betoota Heights man Declan Madden [26] is now sincerely wishing he’d stayed in his chair – and realising why old mate was alone in the first place.

That’s because the man he was trying to support is one of those guys who calls things ‘UnAustralian.’

“Just got into a tiff with Brad’s misso”, laughed the pest he’d just landed himself in a conversation with.

The man he thinks is named Paul, then began gesturing his tongs towards one of the brunette women seated at the picnic table.

“Asked me if I would be okay cooking up her eggplant before popping the meat on,” laughed Paul (?), now with Declan successfully socially venus fly trapped.


“I’m sorry, but there’s just something incredibly UnAustralian about munching on an eggplant burger.”

“I always knew she was strange, doesn’t like the beach either. Burns too easily, she says.”

“Doesn’t like the sand. Makes a funny noise when you walk on it and doesn’t like the sensation.”

At this point Declan reportedly thought that Paul might actually fancy this woman he seemed to be obsessing over.


“Eggplant, no beach.”

“Defs doesn’t like cricket either.”

At this point in the rant, a polite Declan simply nodded, hoping to disappear back into his quiet session with friends.

Big P then continued babbling about something to Declan who was doing the Zach Galafanakis meme in his head about how to get out of the conversation, before just lying and saying he needed a piss.

“Mate, they are the worst type of people,” sighed Declan to The Advocate a short time ago.

“UnAustralian is a term the fucking poms came up with when they invaded and were comparing things to the shithole country they came from,” laughed Declan.

“I’m not sure old mate knows that though…”

“Anyway, I just quietly sipped my beer and pretended I needed to do a piss, leaving him unstocked up on BBQ duty.”

“That’s definitely UnAustralian,” he winked.

More to come.



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