A Betoota woman has been given a lesson in family and maritime safety by being told not to rock the boat and just give in to her in-laws ridiculous demands.

Although Lucy McGil of Betoota Heights is a perfectly decent, virtuous young woman whose picture you could easily imagine at the beginning of a true crime doco, because of her relationship she must occasionally spend time with her in-laws and their weird ways.

“The first time I went over it was great,” stated McGil, who usually prefers other people’s family drama.

“They were OK with me being raised agnostic but then they asked me when my plans were to convert.”

A crude Catholic backyard baptism later and McGil is wishing she’d have stood her heathen ground and set a precedent that meant she didn’t always have to give in to her in-laws outrageous demands.

“They are insisting on a church service wedding even though we’re not engaged and I don’t even want to get married! She gave me a guest list! With dietary requirements!”

McGil’s white paint boyfriend Alex Orpheen, who would be played by a moist-eyed Toby McGuire if this tragedy ever got made into a film, has encouraged his partner to just go along with this madness so her use of common sense doesn’t upset the status quo.

“Yeah, I mean, sometimes I want to tell my mum, ‘you’re being unbelievable, just chill out and let us handle our stuff’,” stated Orpheen, looking at the tie options his mum had picked out for him.

“But it’s just easier for me to tell Luce to suck it up so that’s what I do. It’s fine. She doesn’t mind much.” 

“Well, I’m not really the evil mother in law because last time I checked she rejected my son’s engagement,” stated madame Orpheen as she sat down for her lunch of coal and horse heart.

“So I’m not sure what you’d call me. I certainly don’t call myself ‘independent’ or ‘a career women’ or any of the other ridiculous things a certain busybody I know might say.”


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