EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A French Quarter woman has this week regressed into being a fetus after knocking back a few too many free savvy bs last night, which were a result of roughly six months of bar vouchers from her team placing in the top threes for trivia.

It’s alleged her team (Jizz Roulette) chose a week night to get more bang for their buck, as the Ponds Hotel offered $5 basics between the hours of 6 – 8 – resulting in them smashing through bottles of the cheapest piss on the shelf.

Unfortunately for Tara Rhoades, she’s no longer at the age where she can bounce back from drinking two bottles of sauvignon blanc and still go to work, resulting in her taking the day off to instead hide under her doona, pulling all her blinds down and blasting her dusty Kmart fan on its highest setting.

Also known as ‘the artificial womb.’

The darkness, coupled with the comfort of a snuggly blanket and a white noise that sounds very similar to what babies hear in the womb (and often why people love the rain so much) is everything Tara needs to overcome her queasy stomach and random feeling of dread.

More to come.


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