LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Local drug purchaser Joseph Johns (22) has tasted the rarest of fruits today as his drug dealer issued him with a free ecstasy pill.
Swallowing the pill right away, Johns was seen smiling back at his drug dealer (who has asked to remain anonymous due to work reasons) and preparing to feel the type of euphoric high that comes with getting munted on someone else’s coin.
So overjoyed was Johns that he did not notice how closely he was being watched by his drug dealer, who witnesses state examined him like Johns was a tortoise and he were a hungry Charles Darwin.
At the time of reporting, it is widely-believed Johns may actually be a canary in the mineshaft, unaware he is testing a new pill to see if it will kill his drug dealers paying customers.
The term ‘canary in the mineshaft’ refers to the practice of using a live canary as an indicator of air quality during mining operations, back in the days when coal mines killed only just one bird at a time.
“Until they legalise pill testing what other option do I have?” asked the dealer, keeping a distant eye on his unknowing lab rat.
“Guess I could move back to Hobart and finish my degree, which is probably what I’ll have to do if this guy dies.”