After spending 30 years living on planet earth, Cameron Barnett understands there is a short list of activities that one does not do whilst holding eye contact.

Whether it’s eating a banana in public or readjusting his underwear, Mr Barnett is well aware of the ‘do’s and don’ts’ when it comes to socially acceptable moments to catch someone’s eyesight in public.

Laying on his side, with legs stacked and knees bent at a 45-degree angle, it’s believed Mr Barnett is busy cursing his physiotherapist this morning, struggling to avoid eye contact as he completes a set of ‘clamshells’ on the floor of Betoota’s PCYC gym.

Slowly opening up his knees, fighting the mild weight of a pink resistance band, Mr Barnett told our reporter that this too was a time when eye contact was simply not required.

“I’ve been seeing a physio three times a week, and he’s got me doing this clam things to fix my lower back.”

“I’ll be honest, I feel like Ariel the Mermaid sunbathing on a rock down here and it’s really pretty uncomfortable.”

“How can anyone in this gym take me seriously when I look like a naked renaissance painting, pissing on an imaginary tree like a greyhound?”

Despite paying close to $400 a week on physio appointments, Mr Barnett told our reporter that from now on, he’d be doing this portion of his prescribed exercises from the comfort of his own home.

“There’s no way I’m going to drive 20 minutes to the gym, three times a week, to flail around on the floor like a dead bluetongue in its final breaths of life.”

“And if you think I’m about to hold a dumbbell under my chin and do those tortuous ‘lateral crab walks’ past all those meat heads pumping iron in the squat rack, you’ve got another thing coming’.

“Honestly, that’s just social suicide!”


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