EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

In some amusing but unsurprising news, it’s revealed that the emergence of poodle mixes has taken over micro breweries as the sure sign a neighbourhood is becoming gentrified, with reports from CSIRO showing that just one sighting of an oodledoodle guarantees house prices will skyrocket 45% within a year.

Speaking to a lead researcher in urban studies, Eleanor Vause, The Advocate learns that the easiest way to find out if a neighbourhood is filled with affluent yuppies, is to simply take a stroll through the neighbourhood and play a game of ‘spot the mutt.’

“Gentrification is a multiple step process”, explains Vause, “first it’s the expensive dog breeds.”

“Then it’s the fancy barbershops and microbreweries, and cafes with good looking baristas.”

“Then the family owned Greek and Indian restaurants disappear, as well as the weird op shops.”

“To make way for a ‘precinct.”

When asked about renters, Vause offers this harrowing warning.

“Consider the sighting of a Bichonpoo as an omen.”

“You’ve got about six months until a rental increase.”

“Three, if they’ve got a personalised leash.”

More to come.


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