The NSW Government has today detailed a fool-proof way to stop the current trend of both primary and high school teachers fleeing education at an unprecedented rate.

Surprisingly, they’ve got no plans to address housing affordability in a manipulated property market – or even the stagnant wages that prevent educators from retiring before 75. Instead they’re going to allow people to become teachers after just one year of study.

In a new election pitch that does not fix any problems and means nothing to nobody at all, a one-year masters program will be made available to qualified individuals who want to re-train as an educator, and live off family money?

Once viewed as a noble career that would land you a quarter acre block in the suburbs and a lifestyle that paired perfectly with raising a young family, there are currently over 2000 vacant teaching positions across NSW.

With a 30 per cent reduction in the number of people going into initial teacher education, and completion rates of only 50 per cent at a time of massive teacher shortages, the NSW Government has been unsure of what these whingeing babysitters actually want from them.

“Why can’t you just pretend everything is okay, like we do” said NSW Education Minister, Sarah Mitchell.

“Some people just have to rent forever. That’s just the way it is… I’m sorry, but the property market isn’t for people who decided to dedicate their lives to looking after kids [haha]”

“But we also don’t want you to leave”

These comments mark a notable change in approach to housing affordabilty for the NSW Liberals, who just 8 years ago said that home ownership was available to anyone with a good job.

However, with a severe brain drain of teachers heading into finance, real estate and cryptocurrency trading just to get by in a metropolitan city – the NSW Government are now begging them to stop looking for jobs that pay better.

“Stop it” she said.

“Just cop it. By leaving the sector, you are the one letting the kids down. Not us”

“And no, we aren’t going to restructure our entire property pyramid just for you. That horse has bolted”


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