Australia’s millionaire club just got bigger, with Andrew Kent (49) joining its ranks after not doing anything fun for 19 years.

Speaking quietly with The Advocate from the Betoota Public Library, Kent explained in a monotone drawl that it’s not so much satisfaction or elation he feels after reaching the million dollar milestone, but a numb sense of inevitability.

“My bank balance ticked over $1m after I sold my microwave for $89 and the transaction cleared…”

Kent’s intonation led our reporter to assume there was more information to come, however he spoke no further on the matter. He never smiled or frowned. Yet he kind of seemed sad, somehow.

The Advocate asked the man what he intends to do with all that money.

Kent shrugged his shoulders as though defeated.

“I’ve got a good routine going,” he said.

Kent’s routine, as he explained, is to rise early and boil enough rice for his three meals of the day, which are all just rice. He refills his 2ltr plastic water bottle and makes his way to work on foot. He works diligently, the rice sustaining him, then he’s home by six, giving him just enough time to change into his PJs and fall asleep by six thirty.

Our reporter stared at Kent for some time, before nodding slowly and thanking him for the interview.

The Advocate reached out to Kent’s former best friend and millionaire, Michael Coughlan (38), to understand what drove Kent to such boring frugality.

For the interview, Coughlan took The Advocate on an exhilarating joy ride in a helicopter he had rented specifically for the occasion.

Over roaring engines, Coughlan yelled into the headset, “He used to be fun but for 30 years he’s done fuck all except work. He’s lost his friends, his family hate him, and to hang out with the guy is as exhilarating as racing a sloth. He only eats rice!

He doesn’t even have internet at home, he goes into the public library for that.”

Coughlan asked the chopper instructor if the thing had any missiles he could shoot off into the bush below, to which the instructor laughed, “I wish!”

The fun millionaire dipped the chopper down low, making our reporter lose his stomach. “I think he genuinely doesn’t know money can buy you fun things.”


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