RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

It turns out that an experienced and well-respected financial planner by the name of Braxton Clamery Jones (38) has not been practicing all that he preaches.

Jones is a sought after financial planner who often works over 55 hours a week offering sound financial advice to his many clients, and manages the finances of some of Betoota’s wealthiest.  

He even runs a profitable podcast doling out advice to a primarily millennial audience on simple ways to get on top of your finances and start building wealth.

However, despite having what one could assume is an expert understanding of how to create and maintain financial freedom, recent events indicate that Jones may no longer have a cent to his name.

This comes after the suit-wearing finance maestro was seen stumbling down Geraldton Avenue at the early hours of the morning yelling into the air, “so many products, dammit! Why Must I have them?!”

A colleague of the man attempted to console the erratic Jones, only to be pushed away.

“Let me spend less,” Jones cried as he bumped into the glass wall of a mixed-use building. He began to wail in despair. “Why do I love buying stuff?! Please make me stop!” Tears streamed down his flushed cheeks. 

The Advocate asked the man’s colleague what the underlying problem was here, to which the colleague replied grimly, “no one thing in particular. He’s just been trying to get on top of his finances for a while but he’s shit with money.”

The abrupt sound of glass shattering shocked those on their morning commute. Jones had just used the top of his cranium to smash through a retail store’s glass door. 

Seeing his image and perhaps a metaphor of his life in the broken glass, he repeatedly hit his head with his fist while shouting at his reflection, “live within your means, dammit! It’s simple!”

‘Live within your means’ was a trademark piece of advice that Jones would often give out both on his successful podcast series and during one-on-one sessions with clients. 

For now though it seems the finance guru is taking a moment to give himself some of his own expert advice. The Advocate and all others who witnessed the shit-show on Geraldton Ave this morning hopes he takes it on board.


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