A former emo kid is suffering some emotional stress this morning, after being forced to ask himself “What’s My Age Again?”.

Slipping into the Chemist Warehouse next to the IGA in Betoota Ponds, The Advocate understands local data specialist Ajay Khatri is in the market for a set of comfy insoles to cure a crippling case of plantar fasciitis and some associated lower back pain.

Limping down the aisle wincing every time he places his body weight on his left heel, it’s believed that years of moshing feverishly on the floors of DIY punk nights at local youth centres has finally caught up with Ajay, as he begins to navigate middle age.

Sporting a fresh pair of black authentic plimsoll Vans, Ajay told our reporter that his new-found life as a 30-year-old was forcing him to pad out his favourite pair of skate shoes with something that offered a little arch stability.

“Mate I just want the slimline ones, nothing too hectic,” Ajay told our reporter, as his eyes scanned over the shelf stacked with bunion cream and cracked heel moisturiser.

“It’s not like I need to see a podiatrist or anything, my back is just screaming at me!”

A bloke who grew up listening to A Day To Remember and attending festivals like Soundwave, Ajay is reportedly gearing himself up for a return to the circle pit as Aussie metalcore band “The Amity Affliction” makes a triumphant return to Betoota this weekend.

“I got these new shoes last week and they honestly feel like I’m walking on empty tissue boxes, thin as a paperclip underneath.”

“If I’m going to stand around at that show I’ve gotta be comfy ya know, or I might have to try and swap my tickets for something in the seated area and I’m just not ready for that!”

More to come.


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