As physics has long dictated, what goes up must come down. 

Last night, previously reformed party animal Michaela Dale (32) partook in the recreational use of MDMA which afforded her a few hours of increased enjoyment of everything including music, dancing, and her own voice.

After waking up late, Dale found that her vocal cords were shot, her living room a mess, and her serotonin about as present as a FIFO divorced dad on parent teacher night.

Finally summoning up the courage to get out of bed, Dale ordered herself enough food to get through the rest of the day and drew the curtains to create the illusion there is no outside world with happy people going about their day.

Taking comfort on the couch that would be her world and womb for the next 16 hours, Dale began browsing a range of films from her childhood that she hoped would get her through the day and fight off a negative spiral of ‘did I really say that shit last night?’

“You know when I was a kid, I thought there were two actresses in The Parent Trap, I didn’t know Lindsay Lohan played them both,” stated Dale, as the cosy comfort of a childhood film kept her at an optimal neutral mood.

“Life was so simple back then.”

As the credits rolled Dale realised she still had so much day to go and with her body not producing chemicals that make her happy she needed to recruit another classic film from her childhood in order to not question the entirety of her life choices.

“Oooh, Freaky Friday. Never thought going back to back Lohan would be the move but here we are.”

“I’m doing Mean Girls after this, do you guys wanna stay for Mean Girls?”


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